Freedom Flowering Mandala (Circles of Transformation) © Sue O’Kieffe 2011 source image: gerbera daisy
My friend Ann and I were having a conversation about fulfilling our dreams or doing what brings us joy or following our heart, something along those lines. We are kindred spirits in that we both feel drawn to finding something in our lives that is meaningful to us and yet is of value to others. We wonder if there is a particular destiny that we are on this earth to fulfill, if our soul is yearning to accomplish some mission. If this is the case, could that be why we feel a push to find out what it is, to align ourselves with our soul, our hearts desire. I am not sure my searching will end just because I am up there in years.
However, I wondered what my destiny could be for decades. I have a myriad of Astrological reports, pondered numerology constructing a complicated chart of my “numbers”, studied the tarot collecting a few decks, visited a psychic or two, dabbled in shamanism according to Michael Harner, went to a workshop by Carolyn Myss studying her concept of Sacred Contracts, enrolled in some programs at Transformations School of Spiritual Psychology hoping to discover a clue as to what my destiny could be.
Do I have the answers I’ve been searching for? Can I follow my hearts desire thereby increasing my joy and at the same time be of service to others? I can tell you unequivocally, I don’t know. But that doesn’t mean all my searching was in vain. Before my searching I was fearful and unconscious, not the kind where you are in a coma, more like the kind where you’re just blinding bouncing through life at the mercy of your emotions.
My searching let me to who I am today. I am quite different from who I start out as. I was a fearful, angry, insecure, lost soul. Now I am a more aware and open not quite as fearful with a bit of self-confidence. For the most part I am aware of my emotions and can choose how I will respond to others when I am in the grip of an intense emotion such as anger or fear or sadness or even joy. Before, I denied my emotions. They just spewed out of me willy-nilly. Not that I don’t have an eruption or two but Mike is the only one privy to that sort of thing and he’s not telling. Are you Mike? You’re a gem. If you’re reading, catch this big kiss. Mmmwah.
More importantly I can live in the present moment and experience joy on a level that eluded me most of my life. I am 61 and I can finally experience a peaceful joy. I remember I use to always say, “I just want some peace. Is that too much to ask?” Maybe in a way that was my soul telling me a destiny to achieve. I say a destiny because I don’t think that is the only one. Or do I think that that is too simple and therefore I am rejecting it as a goal. Or maybe there are levels to destiny such as not only to experience peace and joy but also to inspire peace and joy in others, however that may look. Looks to me like I can continue the search. Who knows maybe that is part of my destiny, searching, learning, discovering…understanding.
One thing I know for sure is that maybe being 61 is looked at as old from the younger generations but for me, sitting here from this perspective after all the knowledge and experience I accrued whether it’s looking for my destiny or dealing with the hand life dealt me it’s not so bad. It actually feels pretty good most of the time. My crone time is upon me and I am sure that is part of my destiny also.
If you are interested in any of the searching tools I used to find my destiny click on the links and explore them for yourself. To view Sue O’Kieffe’s beautiful mandala’s please visit http://sacred-circle-mandalas.blogspot.com/ They are amazing.