I didn’t fully take in my experience with the moon. I was there with it but I didn’t process it. So, once the moon moved back into the trees my mind went back to my disappointment with an owl not perching on a tree over my site.
It must be after midnight. Restlessness overtook me. I folded up my sleeping bag and brought it over to the picnic table. I packed up my journal, books, pens and the mat and placed these things on the table. I remained there for a minute gazing into the night, into the forest. The crickets were still chirping. Other than that there was no apparent sign of any life. Sighing, I went back to my circle.
I paced back and forth. I was upset at not getting my vision, my owl, my validation. I turned and marched around the circle first clockwise, then counter-clockwise stopping from time to time looking into the forest, watching, listening waiting, wondering and feeling downhearted. I have yet to acknowledge and understand the gift I was given. The gift of perspective, of feeling myself part of the earth, the universe.
I stopped at the southeastern portion of my circle. I turned my face up to the moon wondering where my vision was. Slowly, I saw what looked like a yellowish smoky fog move over the moon. I was kind of amazed because it couldn’t be fog. Not that high up. I mean there was no sign of fog on the ground. It seemed to pick up speed or maybe it was just the different perspective of it covering the moon. Coming right behind it from the west was a large darker patch. A huge cloud. I watched as it over took the moon. At first I could see the white light surrounding the cloud, the silver lining. Then all traces of the moon was gone. It was completely dark.
I spun my head around looking for moon light around my campsite. Oh, my god I thought, is it going to rain? My head snapped back to the sky searching for light. I didn’t realize how much I appreciated the moonlight. I didn’t want to have to face the rest of the night in pitch darkness. No sooner did I have this thought when the cloud moved on. The moon was back. I smiled. There it is, I said out loud with a huge sigh of relief.
I continued on with my pacing and praying for help. Praying that I would receive a meaningful message. I had forgotten that what I prayed for at the beginning of the night was to have a beautiful., transcendent experience. Where my heart would be open to the universe and God. I would feel peace, light, love with my mind, body and spirit. And for some reason I thought the owl would represent that.
I didn’t know what time it was or how long I spent pacing but I decided to finally give it up. I brought my mat and sleeping bag back and laid down this time with my feet in the west and my head in the east. On my back with looking at the setting moon in the west, the place of completion, of letting go, I prepared to do just that. This low in the sky the moon was mostly covered by the trees. The moons glow peeked out from the trees like two little pin pricks of light. It looked like eyes. As the moon moved, or actually the earth moved, the eyes got bigger. I declared them to be owl eyes. If I wasn’t to witness the owl visiting me, I would at least have these metaphorical eyes. What do you have to say to me, I asked the owl eyes. “Piercing, seeing, glowing,” was the reply. I smiled. That didn’t seem much of an answer to me. If I am going to make something up, leave to me to make it cryptic.
I remembered reading in the Quest by Denise Linn book that sometimes messages can come in the form of cloud shapes. I didn’t have clouds but I could see shapes in the spaces between the leaves away from the moons bright shine. I swear, I saw the shape of an owl. I blinked and examined the shape. That definitely looked like an owl to me. Yes, that is my owl. Sometimes we humans have to use symbol and metaphor to help with understanding. I will accept my symbol. Maybe you suspect that I didn’t full accept and you may just be right.
It felt like the temperature dropped. so I put on my long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt and zipped up my sleeping bag. Huddled in my sleeping bag my eyes grew heavy. I drifted in and out of sleep waiting for dawn and listening as the crickets chirping went from a chorus to just a few to two lone crickets. I closed my eyes one last time. I woke with a start. It was light. I looked for the moon. It was still there over in the west. I sat up. I wondered how long I was asleep. I suspect not long by the looks of the moon. I thought the moon would go down before dawn. Heaving a big sigh, I got up and cleared out my circle again. This time I sat at the picnic table wondering so now what. I still did not get what I thought I wanted, what I thought I needed. I reached for my journal and wrote:
It’s dawn before sunrise. The moon is still out. I stayed awake all night, mostly watching that moon arc across the sky. I beseeched, I prayed, I asked. I didn’t get exactly what I wanted. Here’s what I got. I wrote down all of my experiences. It was while I was writing that I realized the universe did send me a couple of messages. Now in retrospect I can say that I am grateful to owl for allowing me to receive my real message. Upon reflection and then distilling all that happened, here are my messages.
- In the whole of the universe, you are here. (feeling earth move)
- On this planet called earth which is always in motion, you are just as important as millipedes, spiders and owls. (earth moving and understanding with the millipedes and spiders)
- You have a place here. (understanding with the millipedes and spiders)
- You are part of everything. (place on earth)
- Face your fears. (Dealing with millipedes and spiders)
- Remember, with the darkest of times, the bright times are still with you. (Silver lining of cloud)
- This too shall pass (moon being covered and uncovered by a cloud)
- The answer to your prayer may not look like you want (actually seeing an owl and dismissing it, spiders stayed out of the circle while a few millipedes still came around)
- You bring the meaning to your experiences. (seeing shape of owl and owls eyes)
- Your intuition is astute and sharp (owl’s eyes message.)
In the end, I would have to say that my vision quest was dramatic and not scary at all but beautiful and transcendent. My heart was opened to the universe and God. I experienced peace, light and love from the universe with my mind, body and spirit.