My Search for a Vision Continues

I was up around 5:30 am and itching to leave Mustang Island, ready to leave it all behind.  Well on one level anyway.  Part of me was still holding on to the disillusionment, which showed up as fear and guilt.  This trip was my idea.  We were spending money we don’t have.  If we just went to see family, then we wouldn’t have needed to go that far south.  What if the car broke down all because I had to go to Mustang Island?  This kind of reminds me of the setting my sights on encountering an owl.  I was going to do a vision quest and decided that I had to see an owl.  Again not getting what I expected was sending me into a tailspin.  I really needed to consciously breath and release because my old habits of berating myself were getting in the way.  Poor Mike had to suffer through over a hundred of miles listening to me repeat all of the above.

The drive from Mustang Island to Palmetto State Park took all of three and half hours, which means we arrived nice and early at nine in the morning.  Our spirits were back when we entered the park headquarters, well, at least mine were,  Mike was doing better because I was.  The lady behind the counter was welcoming.  I shopped cute park souvenirs while Mike paid for our site.  We choose this lovely site overlooking the San Marcus River.  Mike was happy that there was a trail leading down to the river and he could fish.

View from our chairs.

We set up our tent and screen porch.   We arranged our chairs at the cliff overlooking the river.  Our spot looked inviting.  It was calm, peaceful and beautiful.

At night we heard crickets, coyote’s, cows and owls.  On the first evening I walked up to the bathroom and heard an owl nearby.  Another night an owl perched in a tree right above out tent and hooted.

“Did you hear that,” I whispered to Mike.

“Yeah,” he whispered back.

I giggled.  “It’s right over our heads.”

We listened to it call a few times when at some point it must have taken off.  We didn’t hear it leave.  We just stopped hearing it call.  Now if you read my It’s the Owl post you’ll know that that is just what I hoped for during my vision quest.   I lay there in the sleeping bag smiling to myself.

I dozed off and woke to more owls.  This time it sounded like thee owls coming from different directions.  It was like a symphony.  I was delighted.  I knew at the time I was being given a gift but I didn’t fully take it in.  I was just enjoying the moment.

Now that we are home I looked up owl yet again.  On Daily OM: Nurturing Body, Mind and Spirit web site I found this:

Fully integrating the medicine of the owl into spiritual existence is a matter of considering how we might open ourselves more fully to the wisdom that can be found in the larger universe

The article goes on to say that if I should find my efforts blocked in integrating owl medicine that it is important to keep in mind that owls werenot always considered the icon of wisdom.   Some humans have held prejudices against the owl probably due to their night-time hunting abilities.  And to:

To reveal those hidden elements of the self that impact your life for better or for worse, you must often make your way through the darkest parts of your soul as if you yourself are the nocturnal hunter. There is indeed darkness both inside the self and outside the self, but like the owl you can transcend it by drawing nourishment from the insights you receive when you penetrate it.

I take this to mean that to fully embrace my gifts of seeing the unseen, to be able to look into another’s soul and see the truth and also to be able to see the truth in myself and embrace that I need to face my shadow side, the parts of me I have pushed away, locked away.  The parts of myself that I fear.

I read somewhere that the impact of a vision quest can go out as long as a year or more.  I am thinking that this trip is a continuation of my search for a vision, an answer or awareness to how my life may eventually be of service and what my inherent gifts are that I can make use of for the benefit of life on this planet.  I can see more and more that the owl is my guide.  Now all I have to do is accept the challenge the owl is giving me, face my deepest fears.


One thought on “My Search for a Vision Continues

  1. Wow, Janice. I got goosebumps reading this, remembering all the times I wanted something really badly and didn’t get it until I let go. You didn’t get your owl–you got a symphony of owls! What a gift and a sure sign you are on your path. An owl swooped by me the other night; I didn’t hear it, I saw a white flash and big wings disappear quickly over my right shoulder. And, yes, that is scary–that something so big could be soundless. I thought it was pretty awesome.
    And, as far as the dark side goes, I have, at times, cowered from mine. They have no power of themselves–only the power we give them. The more afraid of these parts of ourselves we are, the more they pound their chests. My therapist helped me to understand the power of guilt and shame and that I had to let it all go–that my sins were no worse or better than any other human’s. (Dark sides are one thing 99% of humans have in common.)
    My shadow self used to chase me in my dreams and then one time, I turned around and looked. It was ME! Over the following years, I treated my dark places as small children in pain who need to be loved and understood. I expect I will keep meeting them, healing with them, as time marches on.
    Love your stories.


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