Well, it’s Wednesday, December 28th long past the time when I normally post something. I don’t have any pearls of wisdom, any wonderful stories with learning lessons. One would think I would, after all we just went through a big holiday where family gets together, where thoughts are turned to peace, love and joy. I’m not saying that those things aren’t true for me. Yes, the family got together at our house Christmas Eve. All of our children were here with their partners and children. All except for one. For me his presence was missed and I wished things were different and he could be here. But life is what it is. However, my brother joined us this year, which helped fill that void and all the grandchildren were together for the first time since Gavin was born 15 months ago.
All in all the day went well. I made too much food. Baked tons of cookies. Mike bought a case of Coca Cola made in Mexico where real sugar is used and it is packaged in glass bottles. Every one got along. We laughed, talked, ate. We exchanged a few gifts. There were no family drama’s going on. Least not that I could detect. I think everyone put whatever issues they may or may not have on hold and actually enjoyed the time together.
So, what’s the problem, what’s missing? Why am I sounding so, shall I say apathetic? And am I really apathetic? I just described a nice family gathering. Well, truth be told the holidays do stress me out a bit. It usually starts with Halloween. Once Halloween is over, I see Christmas decorations all over, the radio stations play Christmas music exclusively. I rush towards Thanksgiving making arrangements for a dinner. Trying to make everything just right then move on to shopping and preparing for Christmas. After all that time spent preparing, shopping, anticipating, worrying, definitely worrying, getting ready for that one day, and then its over. It’s as if I was running a hundred miles an hour and stopped cold by a brick wall. I’m knocked on my keister, dazed, shaking my head trying to get my bearings. I say to myself, what now? What’s next? Who am I? What time is it? Whaaat happened?
Anyway, It doesn’t help that I picked up a cold on the 23rd. It’s still lingering while I type this. It’s one of those sinus colds with all the pressure and pain. Of course the temperatures being in the twenties only compounds things, not to mention it being pitch dark outside by 5 o’clock.
I don’t know, is it the after Christmas blues, the cold, the short days, the sinus pain? Will it all feel so much better once January is here and the New Year begun. I usually feel a boost in January. Time to start anew, begin again. Every day the days are a bit longer. I can get stalled out again in February but January is usually pretty good. So with that said it is time to take the advice I give to others. Be kind to myself, be gentle and compassionate, let myself go through this time, it is perfectly understandable.
This Too Shall Pass.