I could not believe it. Mike got the job.
For over a year now Mike and I have been living on his pension. Adequate enough for our needs but no money left over for fun things. For the last 2 years at least, I have been trying to think of a way for me to start a career or be what I wanted now that I am grown up. I wanted to be the breadwinner. Take care of Mike. At first I had a brilliant idea that I would go back to school and take up nursing. I should have done that when I went to Alverno back in 88. Instead, I majored in psychology.
“Yes”, I thought “Nursing will give me some money and self-respect.”
I set out on a path to accomplish that goal. After months of preparations, taking a certified nursing assistant class, passing the exam for nursing assistant, filling out the college application and the list goes on and on, after all that, it hit me I did not want to spend $40,000 dollars and years of my life for something that my heart wasn’t in. Nursing was never my life’s dream which is why I didn’t follow that route when I went to Alverno.
Mike and I had numerous discussion about money and work and who should work since I abandoned the nursing idea 2 years ago and we decided that we would both look for work in areas that interested us and the one who got the job first would work. Recently, I applied for two jobs that I thought I would love. One was working for a natural health practitioner as a receptionist. I thought that would be perfect for me since I studied natural health for at least four years. Another job I applied to was working at the local library as a clerk. I love books and libraries. I was giddy with the prospect of working in one.
For the first job, I went through the application process and had two interviews. I was told I gave good answers, it seemed the people liked what I had to say. I waited two weeks to hear they chose someone with more receptionist experience. And the library just rejected my application which I gave them with a copy of my resume and cover letter. The point is I jumped through hoops and did every thing I thought that was right and it was to no avail.
In sharp contrast, we have Mike. He sees a job that interests him. It is working for a large manufacturing company cleaning the offices. He did that for a year when we lived in Bagley MN and he loved it. He loved having autonomy over his work, interesting people to talk to, almost feeling like he was in charge. This was just the work he was looking for since we moved back to Wisconsin. He sees an advertisement for the job in a local paper and scratches out a rough, what he called resume, on a yellow legal pad and mails it off. The following week he gets a call and an interview the very same day. One week later he has the job.
All the while I am giving him flack for only looking for work in the paper after all this is 2012 and it is hard to find work the old way. Then when he told me he wrote out his resume long hand I told him he kissed that job good-bye. Things just aren’t done that way. Apparently when for some truly blessed people doing things the right way are irrelevant.
Getting the job may be a blessing for Mike, he found work he wanted. He just finished his first week and it is every thing he hoped it would be. It may be a blessing for us as a couple. We will have extra money to go out to eat or even go on another trip. But for me it felt like a slap in the face. A slap in the face from the universe. What was going on here?
I am right back to square one.
Square one is where I am trying to figure out if I have a life purpose and/or gifts that fit with that purpose. Something that makes my life on this planet worth something. In the past, everything I went for fell apart or blew up in my face. If I got a job I liked, I had to leave it because working and raising five kids were oil and water. Or a crisis came up and I would lose the job. Or I would get work at places that drove me crazy like the 3rd shift factory job. Is it not surprising that depression is hovering over my head slowly settling around me obscuring hope.
Fighting my way through this dank, gloomy, hope obscuring cloud I am in the process of pulling together information from divergent areas to synthesize some semblance of a life purpose. If that is at all possible. For now these three areas seem to be congealing around that thought.
- My readings on coincidence and synchronicity
- Cathy Gawlick’s ideas on spirituality and depression from her blog Life. A new perspective
- Hand analysis from Richard Under and his book LifePrints.
My upcoming blogs will be around what I am discovering about myself and my life purpose after seriously contemplating the ideas from those three areas.
While your anxiously awaiting the next blog about my discovery, in addition to the above links, check out these other interesting links to sites discussing life purpose. Who knows maybe you will make some discoveries of your own.
- LifeOptimizer: personal growth and effectiveness
- Pravstalk: inspiring blog from Pravsworld
- Insight Zone Life Coaching